Whitehaven Beach

There’s a reason why Whitehaven Beach on Whitsunday Island is consistently voted as one of the world’s best beaches.

IT’S. F**KING. LOVELY.

We took a roller-coaster boat trip out to Whitsunday Island with the fantastic team from Whitehaven Xpress. We highly recommend these guys, who were a laugh a minute and organised a fantastic day.

It was a bumpy ride out. Luckily, Daph took an anti-nausea tablet prior to leaving, knowing she doesn’t fare well on boats. Daph enjoyed every minute of it, like a log flume at the Fun Park, feeling the sea spray on her face as a humpback whale put on a show just off the starboard bow, right where we were sitting. Daph was loving life, unlike fifty percent of the other passengers who missed the fun because they were green-faced and puking into bags the whole way.

This place needs no filters. It truly is as spectacular as the postcards. Just ridiculous! We snorkelled in the Great Barrier Reef. AMAZING! This time, Daph and Ern opted for the life vests, remembering their Magnetic Island failure, and not wanting their lack of fitness to spoil the experience. Good call! We floated around effortlessly, observing the underwater magic. Daph took a few minutes to realise that she wasn’t wearing a full-face mask like the last time she tried snorkelling. She finally got the hang of mouth-breathing through the standard snorkel, after an attempt to say “WOW” was an epic failure, taking in half the ocean.

Daph was a mermaid again until ‘annoying dad’ encroached on our personal space. He swam directly into Ern, twice, ploughing through the water, oblivious to anyone around him. He thought he looked professional, but he was just flailing about like a wet cod. When he kicked Daph in the head with his flipper for a second time, Daph decided to head back to the boat.

Prior to a scrumptious barbeque lunch on the beach, expertly whipped up by Capt’n Shane, Daph decided to take a dip in the crystal-clear ocean. It was a tad refreshing, but you can’t not get in. It’s just too delicious here.

Daph: *Twirling around like a playful seal, “Come in. It’s so lovely.”

Ern is waist high, shivering, and tentatively easing himself in.

Daph: *Twisting and turning in the water, like Disney’s Ariel, “It’s lovely once you’re in.”

Ern finally takes the plunge. Just as Daph decides it’s time to get out.

Daph: “We should probably head back for lunch,” and promptly exits the water. Poor Ern.

Lunch was a slap-up meal on the beach, as the lace monitor lizards sniffed around under the table. The Fluro Euros were petrified and ate lunch whilst squatting up on the benches to keep their toes out of biting reach. Daph didn’t care. She’s come up against bigger critters than this, remembering Private 666 of the Komodo Dragon Brigade and his sneaky attack from the rear at Mimosa Rocks. Ern had an extra chilli burger (Daph will pay for that later), and Daph was saving her sausage for last until a seagull swooped in and stole it off her plate...

Daph: “I was saving that you bastard!” *Said slightly too loud considering there were kids around.

All class, that Daphne.