Humidity (and Gratitude)

Yeppoon! What a treasure. Expecting a quiet coastal town, we were surprised to find the neat-as-a-pin tourist haven of cute cafés and beachside parks. And... Shell World!

Daph was in her element, checking out the twenty thousand specimens of shells from all over the world. Ern entertained Daph’s fetish and pretended to be interested as she “oohed” and “aahed” over cabinet upon cabinet of shells and tacky things made from shells. Daph is sure that Ern was thinking, “Why on Earth do you need MORE shells,” as she picked out a bounty of delights to add to her ever-growing collection.

Daph: “Ooh. Look at this one. I don’t have one like this. Which one? This one, or this one? Look at the pattern on this one! Oh! Sea urchins!!”

Ern let Daph spend fifty dollars on beautiful shells that she doesn’t need. Because Ern loves Daph. And Daph loves shells.

Our spot at the caravan park was away from the hustle and bustle of the town centre, right on the beach. On arrival, the excitement of Shell World and the stifling humidity had made Daph slightly irritable.

Daph: “I need a swim! Stat!”

Daph hastily tried to get changed into her swimsuit. Her shorts were sticking to her clammy legs, and she was getting into a hot and flustered tizz. Poor Ern just wanted to relax after the three-hour drive through endless straight roads and cane fields known as the fatigue zone.

Ern again entertained Daph’s needs because Ern loves Daph. He put his crocodile fears to the back of his mind and joined Daph for a much-needed dip in the ocean. It was the most perfect temperature to soothe the soul. And as Daph’s humidity-induced stress slipped away, she realised what a selfish arsehole she had been today. Ern is very tolerant. He’s an absolute gem. Daph loves Ern very much. Daph has so much to be grateful for. And Ern is number one on that list. Now she just needs to learn gratitude for the humidity. This may be a challenge.

***

Another hot and humid day. Today we are at Tannum Sands. Daph had no hope of getting Ern to swim in the ocean today. Not only were there crocodile warnings, but there were also strong current and shark warnings. It didn’t deter the kids from doing paddle board training though. Or the kite surfers. We just watched. And got whipped by the sandstorm.

Hot and sand speckled, Daph had to work on her humidity gratitude in the caravan park pool instead... with every kid on the block, playing diving games and lap races. Ern was inspired by the average age of eight in the pool and Daph scored an atomic wedgie[1]. Thanks, Ern.

Daph made a rookie error and forgot to pull the sausages out of the freezer for dinner. She had to defrost them in hot water, part boiling them and making them taste suspiciously like cheap-arse Frankfurt’s. Epic fail. Still, it didn’t stop the birdlife from snooping around for an opportunity to steal one. What is it with us, sausages, and birds?!

[1] A wedgie is the act of yanking someone’s underwear up tightly between their buttocks as a practical joke. An atomic wedgie is… well… extreme.